Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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