he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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