just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
