This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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