I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
