Please, let me fuck your mom
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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