so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
