Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
