I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
