Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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