I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
