The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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