Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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