So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
