Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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