i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
