were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She told me I should be a condom model.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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