so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
