the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
