Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
