dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
