my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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