sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
