based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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