remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
