can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
