you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
