come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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