Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
