i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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