a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
