i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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