Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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