The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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