I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize