That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
