i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
