what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Randomize
