I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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