a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
