remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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