i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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