you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
