textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
