dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
It's Friday. Sex?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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