he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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