it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
