Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
