I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
