I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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