Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
