Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
They are going to name an STD after you.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
