I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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