life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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