there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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