she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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