HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
