i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
