A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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