I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
