Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
