I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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