I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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