I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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