my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
