I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
