My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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