I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
