is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
